Clique-clack

clique ( P ) Pronunciation Key (klk, klk)
n.
A small exclusive group of friends or associates.

intr.v. Informal cliqued, cliqu·ing, cliques
To form, associate in, or act as a clique.


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[French, from Old French, latch, or from obsolete French cliquer, to click, clink of imitative origin.]
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cliquey or cliquy or cliquish adj.
cliquish·ly adv.
cliquish·ness n

All my life, I have been part of one of these. The Clique. I had one among school friends, and have had one among work friends for as long as I can remember.

This is a strange phenomenon.

Observe, the average human being, social by nature, placed in the same situation with the same group of people over and over and over again. Naturally, these creatures will either attract or repel one another, akin to magnetic polarity, though very rarely do they remain neutral for long. It's not natural.

Now, I've suddenly come to the blinding realization that I am no longer part of ANY clique! Whether by my own making or circumstances beyond my control, I am the true definition of a loner as of this moment.

lon·er ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lnr)
n.
One who avoids the company of other people.

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Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


Loner

n : a person who avoids the company or assistance of others [syn: lone wolf, lone hand]


I fell into neutrality, and now realize that some of the former cliques I was part of for years, such as the "work" clique and the "high school" clique, not to mention the "class" clique or the "poly sci major clique" have either dissolved entirely or exclude me. Now, those who know me best will be the first to tell you that I dislike being forgotten, forsaken yet made to feel dependant on another individual. The last entries of this very journal have spoken of my depression regarding other people I cared about, and each in his own way, moved on from me.

You know? Since my exclusion from the "work" clique, I find I don't care at all. I realize that the people there are only as big a part in my life as I make them, and I choose to make them very little. It's actually really refreshing, as I look back, I see how much time I wasted doing favors for and caring for people who could turn away without a second glance. It's a lesson, I suppose, much like your first time in a failed relationship. "Well I know not to do THAT again!"

The best part is, I have time to sit back, and really look at the things that make me happy.

Sarah and Bill engaged.
Okay grades (baby steps)
Being proud of my job.
Spending time with my family.
Being happy or sad for people other than myself.
Getting in touch with people I've neglected.
Mending things with people I've hurt.

The Clique as I knew it did not allow me to do any of those things before. I have been so preoccupied wondering who's mad at me, who's not, what did I say, what did I do, I can't believe he stood me up, I can't believe she told me that, I can't believe this, blah blah blah, that I've been completely blind to the bigger picture!